Word Fics: Fics of Random Insanity
by A.K.A. Anonymous
Summary: **New** Heero's Playground 1-3! I've got a small archive of 60, 100, and 195 word fics started. Most of these are humor including puns, parodies, mild character bopping (no acutally bashing), etc.
1. You Have Now Entered: The Ficlet Zone

I've run across several authors who have done this (I guess as a fic challenge, or something), but these are just a few that I've been playing around with. They aren't much, but they're fun to do! Major problem is I've lost several 'cause they're scribbled on scrap paper. If I find them in the 'Black Hole' (AKA, my room) I'll post them, too.  
  
This note is longer than the actual ficlets, oops.  
  
60 Words or less Ficlets  
By: AKA Anonymous  
Warnings: You could read some shounen ai into a few, if you tried, but my bad attempts at humor are far less subtle.  
Disclaimer: Don't own nothin', especially anything starting   
with 'Gun' and ending in 'dam'.  
  
  
  
1) Misinterpreted  
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Heero was the center of the children's attention, speaking in a low voice, "...facing glowing, mad eyes--there's an intense flash of white light, and then--*chaos*."  
  
Duo entered, frowning. "Heero, I asked you not to tell them about your self-detonating! You'll give them nightmares!"  
  
"I was talking about the paparazzi."  
  
"Oh, then stop. You'll give me nightmares."  
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2) The Case of the Bad Pun  
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Sally nodded as the team settled down, one nervous looking man hung to the back, but she caught him before he could sit.  
  
"This is one of our new comrades, joining us for the first time for this dangerous and slightly suicidal mission. Please welcome, Agent Case. Justin Case."  
  
Duo blinked. "Note to self: stay away from new guy."  
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3) The Death of the Pink-mobile  
  
Note: Set inside the President's Manor (MarieMaia's base on Earth) just after Heero collapses and Relena catches him. Duo has now joined the group inside...  
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R: "Someone call for my limo!"  
  
D: "Er, `Le~na?...You remember how Wing Zero blew up the shield to save you?"  
  
R: "Yes?"  
  
D: "We~ll, it survived /that/." (*Backs away*)  
  
R: "Yes...and?"  
  
D: "You remember how Wing kinda blew up after that and landed nearby?"  
  
R: (*Glares suspiciously*) "/Yes?/"  
  
D: "Well, the limo...kindagotcrushed."  
  
R: "WHAT?!"  
  
H: (*Suddenly conscious*) "I finally got that damn thing?!" (*Victory sign*)  
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Just some bad humor to finish the night or start the morning.  
--Anon=) 


	2. And Don't Forget the Ice Cream

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Word Fics 2: 3 are 60, 1 100-ish and a partidge in a pear tree...  
Author: AKA Anonymous  
Warnings: Posted in parenthesis in the title of the ficlet, overall--my bad humor is worth warning, right?  
Notes: Yes, I know my Japanese isn't *the* greatest. If you catch any errors, do tell me.   
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1) Watashi wa Nihongo (w)o renshuu suru! (I am practicing Japanese!)  
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H: Two, What is your current status, over?  
  
D: Oi! Hee-kun! I'm practicing my Japanese, see? *Clears his throat* Present tense-- Sore wa guntai no tatemono ga takakute ookiidesu. (1)  
  
*Click* BO~~OM!  
  
D: Past tense-- Sore wa guntai no tatemono ga takakute ookikatadeshita. (2)  
  
H: *Deadpan* Sugoi. Ima, kaeru ga aisu kuriimu wa katte imasu wasure janai. (3)  
  
D: NIMRU RYOUKAI! (4)  
  
(Translated:  
1--That military building *is* expensive and big.  
2--That military building *was* expensive and big.  
3--Cool. Now, return, but don't forget to buy ice cream.  
4--MISSION ACKNOWLEDGED!)   
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2) Safekeeping (1+2+1--ness)  
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He didn't know what to say, he was never one for words, but this could be...  
  
The other swooped in, saving him--not with words, but action. He moved, not holding back; there was a jingling sound, a new weight on Heero's chest, lips brushed his...withdrawing too soon.  
  
"Return that, when we meet again."  
  
"The cross or the kiss?"  
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3) Silent Heero  
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Heero stifled a yawn, studying the crowds of diplomatics chattering about him. One annoying (possibly drunk) representative was headed straight for him now.  
  
"Misster Hy-uy!" the man slurred, "I jusst made a bet on you! I said you would speak more than three words t'night."  
  
Heero turned his flat gaze to the middle-aged politician, "You lose," and walked away.  
  
(A/N: There's an old story that President Calvin Coolridge (aka `Silent Cal') was so well-known for his quietness that a woman at a dinner with him told him that she had made a bet, same as above (though I doubt she was drunk-I just know that *I* would have to be to approach him), and she got the same answer. The story goes that she lost the bet.)  
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4) Forget the Eyebrows! (Duo POV--mild Dorothy bashing) *100 words or less*  
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Duo fiddles with his pen, watching his comrades bustle back and forth about Preventor HQ with boredom. Dorothy Catalonia sits across the way, typing on her laptop. Duo's eyes take in her regular hairstyle with a smirk.  
  
//I wonder...if I gelled those three bangs together, would they stick up like a horn? Wait--she's looking at me odd. Hm, wonder why this time? I'm just smiling at her. Okay, so it's a little wider than a sane person's...// He widens it further. //*Now* she looks properly frightened. My work here is done.// He stands to get more coffee.  
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The end...for now. These things are fun *and* addictive without causing hallucinations! Woohoo! 


	3. What's Your Sign?

Word Fics 3: Duo Strikes Again and other fun stuff...   
(60 words or less)  
Author: A.K.A. Anonymous  
Warnings: Nothing serious, notes in the titles with ( )'s  
Disclaimers: I don't own GW, SNL, or anything worth value.  
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1) Proof That Pick-up Lines Don't Work (Clueless-Quatre)  
  
D: ...and then he says, `My name is Luke, but you can call me later.' What is *that*?  
  
H: They must work on someone.  
  
D: Pick-up lines don't work--just watch. *Grabs vidphone* Subject one: Chauvinist. *Dials* Wufei! What's your sign?  
  
W: Concerning you--`No Vacancy'. *CLICK*  
  
D: Two: Empath. *Dials* Quatre, what's your sign?  
  
Q: Huh?  
  
D: Your sign, what is it?  
  
Q: *Looks back* `Wide Load'.  
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2) Serious Prank Call (Duo's doing all the talking)  
  
Hello?   
...   
Ah, yes, is this the Alliance Military Base at Fort Weldington?   
...   
Great! I have a question for yo--   
...   
--No, this is not a silly prank! I was curious if your hanger had exploded.   
...   
No? Okay, hold on a sec. *Whispers* See, Wufei? It's the *red* wire!   
...   
Oh, hello?   
...   
What? My name? Um...   
...*BO~~OM*   
Well, thanks for your help!  
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3) Heero Loses a Bet *or* What Oz Got For Christmas  
  
[Heero and Duo come onto camera, each wearing a blow-up muscle suit and glasses--with fake noses and moustache!]   
  
H: I can't /believe/ you talked me into--  
  
D: You lost the bet.  
  
H: *Glares*  
  
D: *Smiles* Ready for your debute?  
  
H: *Glares at camera* (With fake Austrian accent) Hi, /I'm/ Hans.  
  
D: (Same accent) And /I'm/ Franz!  
  
Both: And we're here to blow *CLAP* you up! *Pose*  
  
(Note: Parody of Saturday Night Lives's parody.)  
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	4. Treize: What the!

Title: Word Fics 4 (Wow! 4 already!): Duo is *Soooo* Dead Meat  
Author: AKA Anonymous  
Warnings: Other than a little flirt of shounen ai (if you look hard), not much except my 'off the wall' humor ^_~  
Disclaimers: I don't own the G-boys, GW, MASH, or anything of great value.  
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1) Wufei Loses a Bet *or* Wufei's Latest Reason to Kill Duo  
(Sequel to `Heero Loses a Bet') 100 words  
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W: *Grumbles* I don't know how--   
  
D: *Sighs* You lost a fair bet, just like Heero. Now, unless you want to do a video...?  
  
W: *Pales* Definitely not.  
  
D: Then get going!  
  
W: *Sighs and climbs into Nataku*  
  
*Several minutes later*  
  
Oz Soldier: General Treize, there is a mobile suit approaching. It's matched our speed, but it isn't attacking--  
  
T: What suit is it?  
  
OS: 05, I believe.  
  
T: Keep going, he'll let us know what he wants.  
  
*Nataku pulls along the ship's side, Wufei opens Nataku's hatch*  
  
T: Come for another fight Wu--  
  
W: *Grits his teeth* Excuse me, do you have any Grey Pupon? *Blushes, closes hatch, and flies away*  
  
T: What the...?  
  
(Notes: Parody of an American commercial for a designer mustard from a few years back.)  
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2) Maxwell and Une-chan (I blame this Mel and Christy, BTW) 60 words, if you count 'Une-chan' as one...  
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*Oz's interrogation room*  
  
Duo: Une-chan! I never knew you cared!  
  
Une: *Glares* I don't; you disgust me.   
  
Duo: Yup! I discussed you with everyone I know and they all said you're disgusting! (1)  
  
Une: Damn it Maxwell!  
  
Duo: *Happily* Une-chan!  
  
Une: Maaaaxwell!  
  
Duo: UNE-CHAAAAAN! *Pause* Is this where we run to each other and kiss passionately?  
  
Une: You *(*#(@&! $*@&!)%!  
  
Duo: ...Guess I should have bought you more flowers, huh?  
  
(Notes: (1)-I think I heard this first on `M*A*S*H'. Good ol' Hawkeye!)  
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3) Car games with Duo Maxwell   
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"This is BORING, Wufei!" Duo whined. "There aren't any other cars around. How are we supposed to play car games without other cars?"  
  
"IF we play one game," Wufei growled, "will you shut up?"  
  
Duo nodded.  
  
"Fine, make a word from 'Late'."  
  
"Ooo, that's hard...not much--let, ate, ale, tale--but if we *add* letters...dilate...undulate...copulate..."  
  
"*Mutilate.*"  
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	5. Heero's Playground: 1 of 9ish

Special thanks to Kohaku and Bronze Tigress for suggestions and   
Mistress Yuy, Helen and Eraya for the warm reviews! *Hugs* Thanks   
guys!  
  
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Title: Heero's Playground, part 1: The Teeter-totter Disaster  
Author: AKA Anonymous  
Genre: 195 Word Count Fic, humor  
Pairings: *microscopic* 1+2+1  
Warnings: One bad word. 'Cuz I felt like it, damnit. Okay, two.  
Disclaimers: All characters belong to their creators, which would be   
alot of people that are not me. *Pout*  
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1)  
Heero eyed the device with obvious mistrust. It was rusty, the paint   
was peeling off in several places, and it hardly seemed like 'fun',   
as his companion insisted.  
  
Duo pushed gently off the ground, shifting the balance to Heero's   
favor and waited...and waited...  
  
"Hey, Heero, any day now!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh, com'on, don't tell me you've never been on a teeter-totter   
before!"  
  
The young man looked up at his friend's dangling form with a look   
that clearly read 'Yeah, Dr. J took me alllll the time, idiot.'  
  
"Ah, I see. Just push off the ground with your legs, the balance in   
the middle will do the rest."  
  
Heero did as he was directed--kicking with about half his strength.   
Unfortunately, this was *way* too much and Duo plummented to the   
ground, off the seat, and to the dirt with an audible 'thud.'   
Gravity, being the bitch she is, gave Heero the same treatment.  
  
The two boys rubbed their sore bodies in silence for a moment before   
Heero asked without guile, "And parents let their children on these   
things?"  
  
Duo sighed and stood up, brushing the last bits of dirt off. "Let's   
try the swings instead, 'kay?" 


	6. Heero's Playground 2 of 9ish

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Title: Heero's Playground 2: Do You Swing?  
Author: AKA Anonymous  
Genre: 195 Word Fic, humor  
Pairings: microscopic 1+2+1  
Warnings: Not even a swear word! Wow, I've been watching too much   
Disney.  
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing is owned, just not by me. Entertainment   
only, no profit.   
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2)  
One might have thought a panther had been loosed upon the area, the   
way Heero stalked around the assembled bits of pipes, chains and   
rubber.(1) Duo watched him with amusement, trying hard to remain   
quiet while his friend studied the foreign structure: calculating the   
chain's range of motion, estimating stress tolerance factors for the   
rust-encrusted metal, and such. Duo fought *hard* not to laugh.  
  
Finally, Duo took a seat on one rubber strip, suspended by two long,   
heavy chains. Catching the other's eye, he motioned for the   
suspicious boy to take the seat next to him. Heero hesitated, but   
followed his example. After studying the perch carefully, he pivoted   
to sit, the swaying seat jumped slightly with his actions--away from   
him--almost depositing him on the ground. He grappled with the   
chains for a moment to keep his seat.  
  
"It won't bite you, Heero. They're only swings." To prove his point   
Duo ran his feet backwards, bracing his hands on the chains and then   
swung forward with a small 'whoop!' of joy.  
  
Heero sighed, running his feet on the ground quickly and lifted them   
before they dragged. His swing rocked back and forth   
once...twice...stopped.  
  
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(1)--Yes, I'm aware the truly hentai people out there will take this   
and the title of this very badly...or is that nicely? 


	7. Heero's Playground 3 of 9ish

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Title: Heero's Playground 3: Swings, Take Two  
Author: AKA Anonymous  
Genre: 195 Word Fic, humor  
Pairings: microscopic 1+2+1  
Warnings: Not even a swear word, well, a mention of one. I've really   
been watching too much Disney.  
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing is owned, just not by me. Entertainment   
only, no profit.   
******************************  
  
Duo's arms ached slightly as he planted his feet once again to propel   
the on-coming mass, all the while giving instructions and ignoring   
dark glares.  
  
"Now kick back...not that hard!" The chains jingled and ground with   
protest. Duo cringed as his friend narrowly missed nose-diving from   
his precarious seat. "Gently, Heero! Lean back, legs out; lean   
forward, legs in; back and forth. There! You've got it!"  
  
Duo stepped out from behind his friend, glad to be out of the range   
of Heero's feet and hard skull. Rubbing his newly formed bruises   
gingerly, he grinned as Heero's movements became smooth and powerful,   
sending him higher and higher... "Yeah!"  
  
"Now what?!" Heero called, his body almost perpendicular to the   
horizon.   
  
"What do you mean, 'Now what?'"  
  
"What do I do now? What's the purpose of this?" Heero called,   
zipping by even faster.  
  
"Purpose?" his companion responded, perplexed, his head   
automatically following his friend's movements as he rushed forward   
again. "It's fun."  
  
"What?!" Heero jerked suddenly, losing his grip on the chains as   
their momentum pulled back and his stayed put...in mid air for a   
comical half-second of arm-waving and a hoarse curse before meeting   
the ground. Again. 


End file.
